As I’m writing this my parent’s are making the 8 hour drive from Alpena, MI to Chicago, my grandma from Iowa is on a plane here, 10 musicians are on their way to our 2nd and last rehearsal before the Trash My Heart release, and so many friends are clearing a few hours of their super busy lives so that they can come to the show tomorrow night. People are converging towards me and I’m feeling it all with profound and humbling gratitude. I can’t believe so many people would partner with me to play this music. I am floored that so many of the folks who make up my happy community will come out tomorrow in support and love. I know that the relationship between musician and audience is symbiotic; I’m to give folks an experience they enjoy and they in turn show up to give me the opportunity to perform… but right now I’m so aware that I’m winning in this deal. I’m so excited to show these new songs that I’m almost angry in waiting for the moment to arrive. For all of you who come out tomorrow evening- thank you. I’m so honored and excited to sing my guts out for you.
Trash My Heart hasn’t even been released and yet it’s already the my most provocative project. Many of you have heard the tunes already by coming to recent Trio shows and your responses to the songs have opened my eyes to so many things. I’ve never written such a personal songs. I’ve exposed myself even more than I thought I had because the vulnerability wasn’t in writing the songs- its in talking about them with people. Folks have questions about the songs and their own stories to tell me about their own heartache. Somehow I didn’t quite see that coming. I didn’t realize how much people would be willing to share with me and how much they would want to know the real story behind each song. I’m still not quite sure if I’m ready to talk in depth about all of them- so I’m a little nervous about the release. Honestly, I’ve had my share of heartbreak, but I’m also surrounded by love and goodness from my friends and family. I’m not walking wounded. Phew.
Talking with people about Trash My Heart has opened my eyes not only to a better understanding of my own story, but to a deeper awareness of what real love looks like. I see it all around me now with more clarity and weight. Maybe the reason I’ve had a such a struggle with love is because I didn’t know the work, sacrifice, and grace it takes to truly LIVE with and for someone. To choose them unconditionally. To work hard to fix love when it cracks. To trust completely. I’ve been in love and I’ve experienced all of those emotional heights of heady, intense, bliss that 1000s of songs throughout time are about… but I haven’t known THAT deep-rooted, storm-weathering love. My eyes are more open now. So is my heart.